Poop.....and the discussion of it.
Moderator: Moderators
If anyone ever goes to charleston, do not eat at this place caled McHugh's. Greasiest burgers ever. I ate this monstrous freagin western bacon double grease haven and about an hour later my colon was punishing me for it. I had one of those blitzcraps that has such high pressure it hits the back of the bowl and rockets back up out of the toilet. very unjoyful.
I don't fear death; I fear not living.
Just in case anyone missed this entry in the Random Thoughts thread.
This one time, I was at circle center playing DDR and I got hungry, so I ate at the japanese place in the food court.
30 minutes later I play some more DDR, after about an hour, I needs to pee so I use the restroom.
While at the urinal I feel the urge to fart and do so.
OMFG I DIDN"T JUST DO WHAT I THINK I DID!!!!!
Yup I shit my pants.
Luckily no one else was in the restroom, so I rushed into a stall, and started to peel stuff off, just as other kids came in.
I didn't want them to see what I was doing, cause you can kinda see through those cracks sometimes, so I sat there for a good 5 minutes breathing through my mouth.
Finally they left, I took off my shoes, socks, shorts, and I threw my undies in the toliet.
Spending another 10 minutes cleaning up as well as I could with single ply toliet paper, I made my way out the mall, but DAMMIT It's the lunch time crowd, and I'm starting to freak out because in my mind I swear everyone can smell my poo.
After what seemed like forever and a day to get out, I reach my bike and ride it home, Standing up the whole way.
THANK GOD A SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!
After I cleaned my crevises I thought about that one JTHM comic and started laughing.
This one time, I was at circle center playing DDR and I got hungry, so I ate at the japanese place in the food court.
30 minutes later I play some more DDR, after about an hour, I needs to pee so I use the restroom.
While at the urinal I feel the urge to fart and do so.
OMFG I DIDN"T JUST DO WHAT I THINK I DID!!!!!
Yup I shit my pants.
Luckily no one else was in the restroom, so I rushed into a stall, and started to peel stuff off, just as other kids came in.
I didn't want them to see what I was doing, cause you can kinda see through those cracks sometimes, so I sat there for a good 5 minutes breathing through my mouth.
Finally they left, I took off my shoes, socks, shorts, and I threw my undies in the toliet.
Spending another 10 minutes cleaning up as well as I could with single ply toliet paper, I made my way out the mall, but DAMMIT It's the lunch time crowd, and I'm starting to freak out because in my mind I swear everyone can smell my poo.
After what seemed like forever and a day to get out, I reach my bike and ride it home, Standing up the whole way.
THANK GOD A SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!
After I cleaned my crevises I thought about that one JTHM comic and started laughing.
Alright, last Friday in Latin I had to shit really bad, so I got a pass and went to the bathroom. The first few came out fine, but then I had this fiesty one that did not want to come out. You all know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
I was gone for a good 8 minutes before I finally walked back into class. The teacher asked "Tyler where were you you were gone for almost 10 minutes?" and sounded like she was accusing me of doing drugs. I told her I had a stomach ache and my friends told me that while I was gone she was contemplating sending out a search party.
I've also had the runs and thrown up at the same time.
I was gone for a good 8 minutes before I finally walked back into class. The teacher asked "Tyler where were you you were gone for almost 10 minutes?" and sounded like she was accusing me of doing drugs. I told her I had a stomach ache and my friends told me that while I was gone she was contemplating sending out a search party.
I've also had the runs and thrown up at the same time.
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UmmeiGenkai
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my poo is weird... i get constipated all the time... i don't think i've not been at least partially constipated for a few months... before my medicide dose went from 3 to 2 pills a day i only had the shits..... really sucks when that happens while in the middle of a stage on ddr... never try to hold it and keep playing... doesn't work
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dancing queen iu
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Original Sin
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paulseskimoballs
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i got really drunk way to fast... blacked out woke up in the bathroom throwing up... was squeezing my stomache muscles so hard throwing up i crapped all over the place... good thing my friends were there to laugh at me... really good thing it wasnt my house... i got away without cleaning it d:... man did i smell
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Darkstarwebstar
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OMG this is the best yet.
THE GHOST POOPY
THE KIND WHERE YOU FEEL THE POOPY COME OUT, SEE POOPY ON THE TOILET PAPER, BUT THERE'S NO POOPY IN THE BOWL.
THE CROWD PLEASER
THIS POOPY IS SO INTRIGUING IN SIZE AND/OR APPEARENCE THAT YOU HAVE TO SHOW IT TO SOMEONE BEFORE FLUSHING.
THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POOPY" POOPY
THE KIND WHERE YOU WANT TO POOPY, BUT EVEN AFTER STRAINING YOUR GUTS OUT, ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT ON THE TOILET, CRAMPED AND FARTING.
THE PEEK-A-BOO POOPY
NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON'T. THIS POOPY IS PLAYING GAMES WITH YOU. REQUIRES PATIENCE AND MUSCLE CONTROL.
THE RITUAL
THIS POOPY OCCURS AT THE SAME TIME EACH DAY AND IS ACCOMPLISHED WITH THE AID OF A NEWSPAPER.
THE MOOD ENHANCER
THIS POOPY OCCURS AFTER A LENGTHY PERIOD OF CONSTIPATION, THEREBY ALLOWING YOU TO BE YOUR OLD SELF AGAIN.
THE CORN POOPY
NO EXPLANATION NECESSARY.
THE WET CHEEKS POOPY
ALSO KNOWN AS THE "POWER DUMP". THAT'S THE KIND THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR BUTT SO FAST THAT YOUR BUTT CHEEKS GET SPLASHED WITH THE TOILET WATER.
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POOPY
AN ADORABLE COLLECTION OF SMALL TURDS IN A CLUSTER, OFTEN A GIFT FROM GOD WHEN YOU ACTUALLY CAN'T POOPY.
THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POOPY
ALSO KNOWN AS "POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POOPY". YOU HAVE TO STRAIN SO MUCH TO GET IT OUT THAT YOU TURN PURPLE AND PRACTICALLY HAVE A STROKE.
THE CLEAN POOPY
THE KIND WHERE YOU FEEL THE POOPY COME OUT, SEE POOPY IN THE BOWL, BUT THERE'S NO POOPY ON TOILET PAPER.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE POOPY
THIS POOPY MAY BE OF ANY VARIETY BUT IS ALWAYS DEPOSITED EITHER IN THE WOODS OR WHILE HINDING BEHIND THE PASSENGER SIDE OF YOUR CAR.
THE FLOATER
CHARACTERIZED BY ITS FLOATABILITY, THIS POOPY HAS BEEN KNOWN TO RESURFACE AFTER MANY FLUSHINGS.
THE NOTORIUS DRINKER POOPY
THE KIND OF POOPY YOU HAVE THE MORNING AFTER A LONG NIGHT OF DRINKING. IT'S MOST NOTICEABLE TRIAT IS THE TREAD MARK LEFT ON THE BOTTOM OF THE TOILET BOWL AFTER YOU FLUSH.
THE SECOND WAVE POOPY
THIS POOPY HAPPENS WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED, YOUR PANTS ARE UP TO YOUR KNEES, AND YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE YOU HAVE TO POOPY SOME MORE.
THE GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS POOPY
A POOPY SO NOTEWORTHY IT SHOULD BE RECORDED FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS.
THE MEXICAN FOOD POOPY
A CLASS ALL ITS OWN.
THE LIQUID POOPY
THAT'S THE KIND WHERE YELLOWISH-BROWN LIQUID SHOOTS OUT OF YOUR BUTT, SPLASHES ALL OVER THE SIDE OF THE TOILET BOWL AND, AT THE SAME TIME, CHRONICALLY BURNS YOUR TENDER POOP-CHUTE..
THE WET POOPY
YOU WIPE YOUR BUTT FIFTY TIMES AND IT STILL FEELS UNWIPED. SO YOU END UP PUTTING TOILET PAPER BETWEEN YOUR BUTT AND YOUR UNDERWEAR SO YOU DON'T RUIN THEM WITH THOSE DREADFUL SKID MARKS.
THE LINCOLN LOG POOPY
THE KIND OF POOPY THAT'S SO ENORMOUS YOU'RE AFRAID TO FLUSH IT DOWN WITHOUT FIRST BREAKING IT UP INTO LITTLE PEICES WITH THE TOILET BRUSH.
THE KIND WHERE YOU FEEL THE POOPY COME OUT, SEE POOPY ON THE TOILET PAPER, BUT THERE'S NO POOPY IN THE BOWL.
THE CROWD PLEASER
THIS POOPY IS SO INTRIGUING IN SIZE AND/OR APPEARENCE THAT YOU HAVE TO SHOW IT TO SOMEONE BEFORE FLUSHING.
THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POOPY" POOPY
THE KIND WHERE YOU WANT TO POOPY, BUT EVEN AFTER STRAINING YOUR GUTS OUT, ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT ON THE TOILET, CRAMPED AND FARTING.
THE PEEK-A-BOO POOPY
NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON'T. THIS POOPY IS PLAYING GAMES WITH YOU. REQUIRES PATIENCE AND MUSCLE CONTROL.
THE RITUAL
THIS POOPY OCCURS AT THE SAME TIME EACH DAY AND IS ACCOMPLISHED WITH THE AID OF A NEWSPAPER.
THE MOOD ENHANCER
THIS POOPY OCCURS AFTER A LENGTHY PERIOD OF CONSTIPATION, THEREBY ALLOWING YOU TO BE YOUR OLD SELF AGAIN.
THE CORN POOPY
NO EXPLANATION NECESSARY.
THE WET CHEEKS POOPY
ALSO KNOWN AS THE "POWER DUMP". THAT'S THE KIND THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR BUTT SO FAST THAT YOUR BUTT CHEEKS GET SPLASHED WITH THE TOILET WATER.
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POOPY
AN ADORABLE COLLECTION OF SMALL TURDS IN A CLUSTER, OFTEN A GIFT FROM GOD WHEN YOU ACTUALLY CAN'T POOPY.
THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POOPY
ALSO KNOWN AS "POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POOPY". YOU HAVE TO STRAIN SO MUCH TO GET IT OUT THAT YOU TURN PURPLE AND PRACTICALLY HAVE A STROKE.
THE CLEAN POOPY
THE KIND WHERE YOU FEEL THE POOPY COME OUT, SEE POOPY IN THE BOWL, BUT THERE'S NO POOPY ON TOILET PAPER.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE POOPY
THIS POOPY MAY BE OF ANY VARIETY BUT IS ALWAYS DEPOSITED EITHER IN THE WOODS OR WHILE HINDING BEHIND THE PASSENGER SIDE OF YOUR CAR.
THE FLOATER
CHARACTERIZED BY ITS FLOATABILITY, THIS POOPY HAS BEEN KNOWN TO RESURFACE AFTER MANY FLUSHINGS.
THE NOTORIUS DRINKER POOPY
THE KIND OF POOPY YOU HAVE THE MORNING AFTER A LONG NIGHT OF DRINKING. IT'S MOST NOTICEABLE TRIAT IS THE TREAD MARK LEFT ON THE BOTTOM OF THE TOILET BOWL AFTER YOU FLUSH.
THE SECOND WAVE POOPY
THIS POOPY HAPPENS WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED, YOUR PANTS ARE UP TO YOUR KNEES, AND YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE YOU HAVE TO POOPY SOME MORE.
THE GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS POOPY
A POOPY SO NOTEWORTHY IT SHOULD BE RECORDED FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS.
THE MEXICAN FOOD POOPY
A CLASS ALL ITS OWN.
THE LIQUID POOPY
THAT'S THE KIND WHERE YELLOWISH-BROWN LIQUID SHOOTS OUT OF YOUR BUTT, SPLASHES ALL OVER THE SIDE OF THE TOILET BOWL AND, AT THE SAME TIME, CHRONICALLY BURNS YOUR TENDER POOP-CHUTE..
THE WET POOPY
YOU WIPE YOUR BUTT FIFTY TIMES AND IT STILL FEELS UNWIPED. SO YOU END UP PUTTING TOILET PAPER BETWEEN YOUR BUTT AND YOUR UNDERWEAR SO YOU DON'T RUIN THEM WITH THOSE DREADFUL SKID MARKS.
THE LINCOLN LOG POOPY
THE KIND OF POOPY THAT'S SO ENORMOUS YOU'RE AFRAID TO FLUSH IT DOWN WITHOUT FIRST BREAKING IT UP INTO LITTLE PEICES WITH THE TOILET BRUSH.
You're beautiful
Well I'm a total wreck and almost every day.
Like the firing squad or the mess you made.
Well don't I look pretty walking down the street.
In the best damn dress(pair of pants for me) I own?
My Chemical Romance- Give Em Hell, Kid
Well I'm a total wreck and almost every day.
Like the firing squad or the mess you made.
Well don't I look pretty walking down the street.
In the best damn dress(pair of pants for me) I own?
My Chemical Romance- Give Em Hell, Kid
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Darkstarwebstar
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- Joined: Wed Feb 23, 2005 3:26 pm
- Location: Noblesville
- Contact:
poop jokes cont. i know theres alot here to laugh on.
THE RANGER
A POOPY WHICH REFUSES TO LET GO. IT IS USUALLY NECESSARY TO ENGAGE IN A ROCKING OR BOUNCING MOTION, BUT QUITE OFTEN THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO PUSH IT AWAY WITH A SMALL PIECE OF TOILET PAPER.
THE POOPYZOPHERENIA
FEAR OF POOPYING - CAN BE FATAL!
THE SNAKE CHARMER
A LONG SKINNY POOPY WHICH HAS MANAGED TO COIL ITSELF INTO A FRIGHTENING POSITION - USUALLY HARMLESS.
THE AFTERSHOCK POOPY
THIS POOPY HAS AN ODOR SO POWERFUL THAT ANYONE ENTERING THE VICINITY WITHIN THE NEXT 7 HOURS IS AFFECTED.
THE BOMBSHELL
A POOPY THAT COMES AS A COMPLETE SURPRISE AT A TIME THAT IS EITHER INAPPROPRIATE TO POOPY (IE. DURING A LOVEMAKING OR ROOT CANAL) OR YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR POOPYING FACILITIES.
THE GROANER
A POOPY SO HUGE IT CANNOT EXIT WITHOUT VOCAL ASSISTANCE.
THE PREMEDITATED POOPY
LAXATIVE INDUCED. DOESN'T COUNT.
THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POOPY
THIS IS ANY POOPY CREATED IN THE PRESENCE OF ANOTHER PERSON.
ENERGIZER VS DURACELL POOPY
ALSO KNOWN AS A "STILL GOING" POOPY.
THE OLYMPIC POOPY
THIS POOPY OCCURS EXACTLY ON HOUR PRIOR TO THE START OF ANY COMPETITIVE EVENT IN WHICH YOU ARE ENTERED AND BARES A CLOSE RESEMBLANCE TO THE DRINKER'S POOPY.
THE PHANTOM POOPY
THIS APPEARS IN THE TOILET MYSTERIOUSLY, AND NO ONE WILL ADMIT TO PUTTING IT THERE.
THE LIQUID PLUMBER POOPY
THIS KIND OF POOPY IS SO BIG IT PLUGS UP THE TOILET AND IT OVERFLOWS ALL OVER THE FLOOR. ( YOU SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED THE ADVISE FROM THE LINCOLN LOG POOPY.
THE SPINAL TAP POOPY
THIS KIND OF POOPY THAT HURTS SO MUCH COMING OUT, YOU'D SWEAR IT'S GOT TO BE COMING OUT SIDEWAYS.
THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY POOPYHOLE" POOPY
SIMILAR TO THE LINCOLN LOG AND THE SPINAL TAP POOPIES. THE SHAPE AND SIZE OF THE TURD RESEMBLES A TALL BOY BEER CAN. VACUOUS AIR SPACE REMAINS IN THE RECTUM FOR SOME TIME AFTERWARDS.
THE PORRIDGE POOPY
THE TYPE THAT COMES OUT LIKE TOOTHPASTE, AND JUST KEEPS ON COMING. YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES: (A) FLUSH AND KEEP GOING, OR (B) RISK IT PILING UP TO YOUR BUTT WHILE YOU SIT THERE HELPLESS.
THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POOPY
WHEN THE BAG OF DORITOS YOU ATE LAST NIGHT LACERATES THE INSIDES OF YOUR RECTUM ON THE WAY OUT IN THE MORNING.
THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POOPY
WHEN YOU DROP LOTS OF CUTE, LITTLE ROUND ONES THAT LOOK LIKE MARBLES AND MAKE TINY SPLASHING SOUNDS WHEN THEY HIT THE WATER.
THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POOPY
ALSO SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS THE TOXIC DUMP. OF COURSE YOU DON'T WARN ANYONE OF THE POISONOUS BATHROOM ODOR. INSTEAD, YOU STAND INNOCENTLY NEAR THE DOOR AND ENJOY THE SHOW AS THEY RUN OUT GAGGING AND GASPING FOR AIR.
THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" POOPY
WHERE YOU JUST SIT THERE PATIENTLY AND WAIT FOR THE LAST CLING-ON TO DROP OFF BECAUSE IF YOU WIPE NOW, IT'S GOING TO SMEAR ALL OVER THE PLACE.
A POOPY WHICH REFUSES TO LET GO. IT IS USUALLY NECESSARY TO ENGAGE IN A ROCKING OR BOUNCING MOTION, BUT QUITE OFTEN THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO PUSH IT AWAY WITH A SMALL PIECE OF TOILET PAPER.
THE POOPYZOPHERENIA
FEAR OF POOPYING - CAN BE FATAL!
THE SNAKE CHARMER
A LONG SKINNY POOPY WHICH HAS MANAGED TO COIL ITSELF INTO A FRIGHTENING POSITION - USUALLY HARMLESS.
THE AFTERSHOCK POOPY
THIS POOPY HAS AN ODOR SO POWERFUL THAT ANYONE ENTERING THE VICINITY WITHIN THE NEXT 7 HOURS IS AFFECTED.
THE BOMBSHELL
A POOPY THAT COMES AS A COMPLETE SURPRISE AT A TIME THAT IS EITHER INAPPROPRIATE TO POOPY (IE. DURING A LOVEMAKING OR ROOT CANAL) OR YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR POOPYING FACILITIES.
THE GROANER
A POOPY SO HUGE IT CANNOT EXIT WITHOUT VOCAL ASSISTANCE.
THE PREMEDITATED POOPY
LAXATIVE INDUCED. DOESN'T COUNT.
THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POOPY
THIS IS ANY POOPY CREATED IN THE PRESENCE OF ANOTHER PERSON.
ENERGIZER VS DURACELL POOPY
ALSO KNOWN AS A "STILL GOING" POOPY.
THE OLYMPIC POOPY
THIS POOPY OCCURS EXACTLY ON HOUR PRIOR TO THE START OF ANY COMPETITIVE EVENT IN WHICH YOU ARE ENTERED AND BARES A CLOSE RESEMBLANCE TO THE DRINKER'S POOPY.
THE PHANTOM POOPY
THIS APPEARS IN THE TOILET MYSTERIOUSLY, AND NO ONE WILL ADMIT TO PUTTING IT THERE.
THE LIQUID PLUMBER POOPY
THIS KIND OF POOPY IS SO BIG IT PLUGS UP THE TOILET AND IT OVERFLOWS ALL OVER THE FLOOR. ( YOU SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED THE ADVISE FROM THE LINCOLN LOG POOPY.
THE SPINAL TAP POOPY
THIS KIND OF POOPY THAT HURTS SO MUCH COMING OUT, YOU'D SWEAR IT'S GOT TO BE COMING OUT SIDEWAYS.
THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY POOPYHOLE" POOPY
SIMILAR TO THE LINCOLN LOG AND THE SPINAL TAP POOPIES. THE SHAPE AND SIZE OF THE TURD RESEMBLES A TALL BOY BEER CAN. VACUOUS AIR SPACE REMAINS IN THE RECTUM FOR SOME TIME AFTERWARDS.
THE PORRIDGE POOPY
THE TYPE THAT COMES OUT LIKE TOOTHPASTE, AND JUST KEEPS ON COMING. YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES: (A) FLUSH AND KEEP GOING, OR (B) RISK IT PILING UP TO YOUR BUTT WHILE YOU SIT THERE HELPLESS.
THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POOPY
WHEN THE BAG OF DORITOS YOU ATE LAST NIGHT LACERATES THE INSIDES OF YOUR RECTUM ON THE WAY OUT IN THE MORNING.
THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POOPY
WHEN YOU DROP LOTS OF CUTE, LITTLE ROUND ONES THAT LOOK LIKE MARBLES AND MAKE TINY SPLASHING SOUNDS WHEN THEY HIT THE WATER.
THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POOPY
ALSO SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS THE TOXIC DUMP. OF COURSE YOU DON'T WARN ANYONE OF THE POISONOUS BATHROOM ODOR. INSTEAD, YOU STAND INNOCENTLY NEAR THE DOOR AND ENJOY THE SHOW AS THEY RUN OUT GAGGING AND GASPING FOR AIR.
THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" POOPY
WHERE YOU JUST SIT THERE PATIENTLY AND WAIT FOR THE LAST CLING-ON TO DROP OFF BECAUSE IF YOU WIPE NOW, IT'S GOING TO SMEAR ALL OVER THE PLACE.
You're beautiful
Well I'm a total wreck and almost every day.
Like the firing squad or the mess you made.
Well don't I look pretty walking down the street.
In the best damn dress(pair of pants for me) I own?
My Chemical Romance- Give Em Hell, Kid
Well I'm a total wreck and almost every day.
Like the firing squad or the mess you made.
Well don't I look pretty walking down the street.
In the best damn dress(pair of pants for me) I own?
My Chemical Romance- Give Em Hell, Kid